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Category: Relationships

Advice

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: November 27, 2008
Letter: Hey Shellz! Okay so I like this guy but I found out for Thanksgiving he and his family went to Italy with this one girl in my grade's family. He was kinda joking about at school, like they where are you going for thanksgiving? *laugh* *laugh* Does this mean he likes her or is joking around?

My Advice: I wouldn't be able to give you a for sure answer, I don't exactly clearly understand the situation and I don't have any details really. But from what you told me I just know that the guy you like (and his family) went to Italy with a girl (and her family) for Thanksgiving, right? Well, I think it would be considered jumping to conclusions by saying he likes her. They could both be just best friends or their families are just really close. I mean, do they ever hang out like they're going to date or do they talk a lot? Even still, that doesn't mean he likes her or they're dating. Have you ever talked this guy? If you're friends with him, just ask him, or bring it up in a conversation casually. As for the laughing, I'm not sure how he laughed, but if he sort of blushed when he laughed, then maybe he does like her, but if it was just a laugh, then he could have been just joking around, but like I said, I wouldn't be able to give you an answer for that.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: November 24, 2008
Letter: I've emailed one of my best friends frequently in the past month, but none of them are answered. I try to call her, I get the answering machine. I only see her once a week, and I want to talk to her more. Should I talk to her about this?

My Advice: Yes, you should definately talk to her, but then again, she might just be busy, she may not be doing it on purpose. But just let her know that you've tried calling and e-mailing her but got no response and you were just concerned. Don't make a habit out of it though, you don't want to seem too clingy or controlling, but since it's been happening for a month, it's okay with talking to her about it.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: November 6, 2008
Letter: Okay... so I have this crush on this guy. He is a 'family friend' too, and the same ethnicity and religion as me. But, we don't see each other outside of school that much, unless there's an Indian (my ethnicity) event or something. We kinda "hate" each other, like that's how we always act in school. He is in my homeroom, and all my main classes. This crush... well, I don't know what it is. First of all, it's not like I even want to be in a relationship? I'm only twelve... and I feel like I only want to be friends? Just hang out or whatever? But, I don't know, every time he talks to a girl, it kills me! Especially if the girl is Indian. I don't even know why, but it's such a horrible feeling! I don't even know what I want to do... either get rid of this feeling, or be friends with him. I DEFINITELY can't tell him how I feel. How do I approach trying to be friends with him without it being obvious what I'm trying to do? Or, if that's not possible, is there ANY way I can get rid of this 'crush' or whatever it is? This is really making me miserable; I dread going to school just because of this. It just really crushes me, I can't stand it. Thank you so much, in advance!!

My Advice: Well, you can't miss what you never had, so I would avoid being friends or having any type of relationship with him because a friendship might make you like him even more causing you to be even more jealous when he talks to girls. And even if you're just friends, what if he starts to date someone? Then you will probably feel worse than you do now because you have feelings for him. I wouldn't force the issue of trying to be friends, I mean sometimes it just happens naturally, but otherwise just don't try forcefully to have any kind of relationship, that can sometimes make matters worse. I would not recommend just 'hanging out' either, that will make you closer to him. I would suggest to just keep things the way they are now, the feeling will eventually go away, it's only a crush, they don't last long.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: October 31, 2008
Letter: okay, there's this guy and like 2 years ago he liked me for like a year. I never thought I liked him back but when he started going out with other girls I felt strangly jelous. now he apparently likes me again. I think I like him but were both shy and I've only ever been out with loud guys. But then part of me thinks I just want to be with him for security because I've had some really bad relationships in the past. plus his ex is my best friend which makes things more complicated. do you think I should go out with him?

My Advice: Being that is ex is your best friend, that is definately not a good idea. What if you went out with a guy that you really liked and then suddenly your best friend starts going out with him? That's kind of a mess. Also, it depends on how long ago they were dating. If it was a really long time ago, then maybe, but if they dated recently even a year ago, that is still too early in my opinion. I would suggest talking to your best friend about it, if you're comfortable with that, to see how she would feel about the situation. Or just ask her indirectly what does she think about best friends dating their best friend's exes. If you even slightly think your best friend would be somewhat upset about it, then I wouldn't do it, you don't want to risk your friendship over a guy. But again, it's your choice, if you like him and he makes you happy then you should go for it, but if it's involving friendships I don't think it's worth it.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: October 21, 2008
Letter: My friend all the time say bad words to me that really make me sad each time when i take to her she says i dont care she break me from inside but she dont know that i really dont know what to do even after she say that she come take to back in normal but i really want a friend to careabout the stuff i say at least to liscene to me what i do?

My Advice: If she doesn't care about your feelings then obviously she's not a real friend. No real friend would intentionally try to hurt another friend. So, I think you should find some better friends or find someone who cares about your feelings. If I were you, I wouldn't hang around her anymore. She doesn't seem like a nice and caring person and if she's making you feel bad like that and hurting your feelings, then that's not the type of friend you want. She seems like the type that would continue doing it no matter how much you try to talk to her, so unless she starts getting better then I would just find a new friend or better people to hang around.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: October 17, 2008
Letter: Um hey well i sent you a problem before but this problem if for my friend um she has like this girl cusin she is in our school um she forces my friend to not listen to music but my friend keeps lisening withought her cousin know then that day from like 3 or 4 her cousin came and took my friends ipod and sinked it in the bathroom water my friend is so sad because she paid alot for the ipod and she really wanted it.

My Advice: Okay, your friend needs to tell her parents or her cousin's parents about what's going on, that is wrong and it's a destruction of property. She shouldn't keep it to herself she needs to let an adult know that she's doing these kinds of things. Also, try to tell your friend to start standing up for herself instead of letting her cousin treat her any kind of way or either stop hanging around her cousin altogether.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: October 12, 2008
Letter: I'm so frustrated. I asked you for advice a couple months ago about a guy I liked; you said that I should keep things the way they were. Well, now he has a girlfriend, again! I found out last night, when I went to a Halloween party. A slow song came on, and I saw him slow dancing with another girl! You have no idea how much my heart sank, and it was so obvious (at least it seemed that way) that I was trying to avoid being around them while they were dancing. Then, they sat down after that song, and he was whispering to her about something. I don't know what to do now!

My Advice: How do you know that's his girlfriend? They were just dancing, they could be just friends, you never know. You should ask him or someone that knows him. I know exactly how you feel though. My advice right would be to not wear your heart on your sleeve and put yourself out there too much. Unless a guy tells you himself that he likes you and you know for sure there's a chance you'll get together, then don't get your hopes up because guys can be unpredictable. Some act nice giving off the impression they are interested, but it could just be their personality. There is really nothing you can do in this situation if he has a girlfriend already, but don't stress over it too much, even though it might hurt a little at least you weren't in a relationship already with him, you barely knew him, so it'll be easy to get over him. I would try to avoid him as much as possible, that will help you take your mind off of him.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: October 10, 2008
Letter: My friend has to take concentration pills for school. It makes her not hungry, and she hasn't eaten anything in 48 hours. Her mom hasn't said anything helpful, & I want her to eat, and so does everyone else!

My Advice: Maybe she needs to see a doctor then. If the pills make her not want to eat, then a doctor could prescribe her with something that could help that. Also, she could drink nutrition shakes at least, because if she's not eating she would at least be getting the nutrients she needs. You could also suggest she eat something light, like crackers, cereal, bagel, etc. Vitamins help to. Hopefully she won't remain like that for too much longer after the medicine has fully kicked in her system, it may just be the way her body immediately responds to the pills.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: September 28, 2008
Letter: Well, I have a really good friend that I talk to a lot. She went emo, so now I kind of feel uncomfortable around her. She just asked me yesterday if I wanted to sleep at her house, and I really didn't want to because I wouldn't feel comfortable, which made me feel bad about not going. My mom doesn't know why I didn't want to, and I really don't want to tell her why. Help me!

My Advice: What exactly makes you feel uncomfortable around her? Does she do things that give you a reason to feel uncomfortable? If so, then maybe you need to tell your mom those things, I'm sure she will understand. If someone makes you feel that way, then they just do, you can't help it, so you shouldn't feel bad by not wanting to be around her, even though she's your friend. People change and friends change, which is a part of life, so it seems like she's just changed into someone you just don't want to be around and it happens.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: September 19, 2008
Letter: Um okay there is this guy i REALLY like...i only have homeroom with him and i haven't really talked to him. He's pretty popular and i know of like five other girls that like him. i feel like invisible to him, but i know he's noticed me. how do you think i could start off a conversation?

My Advice: Just because other girls like this guy, doesn't mean you don't have a chance. People date who they want and who they like. If you notice him looking at you, try to smile or say 'hi' to him and he will probably do the same thing back. If you only have homeroom with him, there's probably not much you can really start a conversation about as far as school, so maybe give him a compliment to start a conversation. Like, if you notice something he's wearing you like, give him a compliment and maybe ask him where he likes to shop and then tell him where you like to shop and that could start something. You just have to be creative when it comes to that. If you never make an attempt to at least talk to him, this is probably how it will always be, unless otherwise. Another thing that helps if you always look your best because that only helps your confidence to be able to talk to the person you like.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: September 18, 2008
Letter: Hi, so I have this ex-boyfriend, a while ago, he and his family moved to Australia, and just recently he has moved back here. This makes me nervous and really embarrased to talk to him. My friends say I should just go up and try to be friends with him now, but I'm not sure.

My Advice: Your friends gave a good tip. First, just try saying 'hi' to him, you never know, he may start a conversation, but if not at least you've communicated with him. Every chance you get, just try to speak to him, even if it's just 'hi', that will eventually make you feel more comfortable with trying to be friends with him again. If you never communicate with him, then it'll most likely just get even more uncomfortable to talk or be around him.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: September 11, 2008
Letter: So there's this guy I like. I've liked him for like-- 4 months. We took tumbling lessons together, and my friends think he's weird for that. (he's really good!) He always told me he loved my front handspring and he talked to me a lot and stuff. There's just one teensy-weensy problem.. I JUST FOUND OUT HE'S GAY.

My Advice: Wow, well there's not really much you can do. You could ask him would he consider dating a girl and if he would then when you're comfortable you could tell him how you feel, but if he wouldn't then that's just the way he wants to live his lifestyle, he may not be attracted to girls and it's out of your hands. The first thing to do though would be to ask him would he consider dating a girl and then go from there.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: August 29, 2008
Letter: I've been fr-- sorry, FRENEMIES-- with this girl since I was two. She's a brat! --and yet, I still stay her friend for some odd reason after we fight. She's also spoiled and gloats about her stuff. When I do a sport, she just has to take lessons, too. And when I state my opinion, nothing but insults come out of her mouth! I don't want to be her friend, and idk why I keep holding off on that. Help!

My Advice: Well, there has to be something that makes you like her and still continue to be friends with her, or just continue talking to her. The bragging and insulting seem to just be flaws in her character that she should work on. If you're really friends, then talk to her in a nice way about how you feel about when she does that, otherwise, don't talk to her anymore, or just slowly stop hanging around and talking to her. When you see her, just try to avoid her if you can, only talk to her if she talks to you. If you continue to go around her then it'll keep happening unless you just back away. Don't hang around someone if you don't enjoy being around them, be around people who you like being around. There is no reason to hang around someone like that, especially if you don't like them.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: August 10, 2008
Letter: Hey, I really fancy this boy at school, and I have been told by looooads of people that he fancies me, but he keeps denying it, but he kind of blushes when he says it. I want to ask him out, or at least ask him for his number, when I go back to school, but because I am only 12, I have never had a boyfriend before, so I need some tips!! HELP

My Advice: Well, don't pressure him. If you're sure he likes you and you like him, then try hanging out with him at school sometimes. Or maybe speak to him when you see him, even if it's a simple "hi", that could start a conversation. I wouldn't immediately ask him out, especially if he's that shy. Let him open up a little and become a little more comfortable around you and you never know, he might just tell you himself. I would just be patient, if you two like each other then I'm sure it will happen, just make sure to at talk to him sometimes, that will at least form some kind of relationship.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: July 30, 2008
Letter: Okay well you know how i was telling you about this guy Vedant? Well i still really like him...And we became friends during the last-ish days of school [i think..i just never want to assume i'm friends with a guy cause ya never know...] so anyways, hopefully he'll still be at school, i hope he didn't move or something. So if he is and we end up in the same classes, what do i do? Just keep on being friends? There's a better chance of him moving when we enter high school [we'll be entering 8th grade] and i don't want to wait around only for nothing to happen in the end.

My Advice: The decision on what you do is up to you. If you have a class or classes together and still want to have something with him, then yes, you should continue to talk and have a friendship with him. Hopefully he feels the same way about you and if he does, that would be a good thing because then you would probably just pick up where you left off. On the other hand, over the summer a lot of things can change, including feelings, he may be dating someone now or may not feel the same. So, just be prepared either way. I would not get my hopes up too high for a guy because situations like this are very unpredictable and you have to guard your heart. If he is moving when you guys enter high school, you may not want to get too close then, just keep it at mutual friends. That one year of eighth grade will go by fast and high school will be here before you know it. So, just don't put too much into this guy. It doesn't even seem like he's made much of an effort to stay in contact with you. In high school, things will change big time, more school events, more new people to meet, so just don't put too much into junior high crushes. Personally, I would just be friends and nothing more. In addition, you shouldn't just wait around for him, have your fun (he's doing it right?), there are plenty of guys out there, venture out and meet new people, you never know who you will find. If he is not quick to date you or making an effort to keep in touch and talk and you have to wait around for an answer, that is a key indication he's just not the one for you and someone else is in store.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: July 27, 2008
Letter: I've been talking to this guy a lot lately online & stuff. He's a year older than me, he's in a really cool band, and he lives really close by. We both LOVE music, and we both have really cool tastes in music too. He's really funny, and cute too! ^^ But, I don't know if I should take that step to maybe hang out with him alone or something like that. I THINK I like him like him, but I don't really know until we hang out by ourselves. I hope you can help!

My Advice: Did you already know him in real life and you just chat online? Or you just know he lives in your area and just met him on Myspace? If this is the case, I'd definately be skeptical about meeting him. Even though you know he lives in your area and you talk to him a lot, you still have to be careful. If I were you, maybe you should start small by maybe talking on the phone first. That's a good way to get to know someone before actually meeting them in person is chatting on the phone. You should do this for a little while and this would also be a step in getting more comfortable with him. There's a big difference from chatting online and actually being on the phone. I would not be so hasty in meeting him in person yet, especially if you're not sure about it. You should always go with your instinct, so if your mind is telling you you're not sure, then don't until you're ready.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: July 26, 2008
Letter: At my school, we have to get a certain number of hours of service. To do this, I volunteered to be a counselor a my church's bible camp for little kids. There was this guy that's in 10th grade (I'm in 8th) that I always thought was nerdy who was leading second graders. He always made me laugh and he smiled at me. I made some jokes, and he laughed with me. He talked to me a lot. Now that camp's over, we talk to each other on MySpace, and we still act the same, but it just doesn't feel the same. I want to send not-so-obvious signals that I like him, but still a teeny bit obvious. I like him so much!

My Advice: Well, there's nothing wrong with keeping it mutual and a bit flirty. If you don't want him to know, then definately don't make it too obvious. You never know, he might feel the same way, but I think it would be better if you just continue the way things are and just let things happen naturally. If you both feel the same way now then it can only progress, so you never know what might happen. As of now, it's perfectly okay, just keep it like it is.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: July 14, 2008
Letter: So I'm friends with this guy, but I don't seriously like him or anything, we're just friends. But then he likes this other girl who I used to be best friends with, and everytime he's sittinng with me and my best friend, when the girl he likes passes, he goes, leaves me, and talks with her. Now weirdly I get jealous. But I don't know why..please help?

My Advice: Maybe you feel like this because you two are friends and he's always hung around you mostly (if this is the case) and now that he has feelings for someone it's hard for you to grasp the idea because you're so used to him hanging out with you. If you know for a fact that you don't like him like him, then I'm sure that's where the feelings are coming from, your mind just has to adjust to the idea. Would you feel the same if your best girlfriend that you always hung around all the time all of a sudden left you everytime she saw the guy she likes passing? In a way, people in general are emotionally tied with their friends, guys or girls, so when a friend starts hanging out more with a person they like it's normal to feel a hint of jealousy because your friend is not with you as much anymore. I think you'll get over this soon. You don't like him and you know this for a fact, so what you feel won't last long, you'll eventually get used to the fact that your best guy friend is now liking a girl and he's going to be with her more most likely.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: July 13, 2008
Letter: Okay. Me & my husband already have 3 kids.Only one was planned,the other two just happened :/. Well,we talked about being careful,because we decided we don't want anymore children.Well, i'm pregnant ...again. I found out almost three weeks ago,but i'm afraid to tell him. What should i do,or how should i tell him? I already told one of my best friends,and she thinks i should have an abortion ,or something,and not tell my husband at all. Well,i don't believe in that sorta thing.I'm alot younger than my husband, i'm 26,& my husband is 45, he thinks he's getting too old for new babies. I know he won't flip out,or leave me,because he's not that sort of man,but i don't want this baby to cause us to grow apart. And,i don't want my husband to feel upset or something in any kind of way,because he didn't want another child.

My Advice: I don't understand why you would be afraid to tell him. It's just as much as his responsibility and decision as it is yours. Sex is a mutual agreement not a one-sided deal. You're both in that together. You're making it seem like it's your fault, when it's not. I think you should just tell him and you both make a decision on what you should do. You're married, you're one, why keep it from him? It's not like he's your boyfriend, he's your husband. I'm sorry he feels that way, but if you're having sex and you're not using protection or not on birth control, chances are you're going to get pregnant. Spouses go through things and it's something he's going to just have to deal with. Besides an abortion you could also give it up for adoption if that's an option for you at all. Just tell him because it's not something that you can really hide for too long. Just tell him straight that you are most likely expecting and explain to him the options you have if you don't want to keep the baby. I wish you luck!

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: June 17, 2008
Letter: I have TWO things I need help with, for now. Well, I'll send another soon too. ANYWAY, here's where it really starts. There's a guy I like, and he's the only one I've ever liked, I'm not allowed to say my age, but people have lots of boyfriends & everything here already, and have for a while. But we talk a bit, and when we do, I get all nervous and everything. I really like him, a lot, and it's hard for me to be without him. I don't know why, but I want to know if he likes me. We've known each other for 3 years, and he's always real sweet to me, playing around with me, and watching me, to make sure I don't kill myself or get injured real easily. (If you knew me, you'd know this is EXTREMELY easy to do.) But he's real sweet, and when I sit near him, I always lean against him, and he doesn't mind, like I lay my head on his shoulder, etc. It seems a bit akward, but he seems to like me near him, instead of away, so he knows how I am. Please get back to me as soon as you can, and I will tell you more. (I'm so sorry about this, it's hard to explain in such a small space though.) Again, exTREMELY sorry! :(

My Advice: Well, from what I read I would assume he really likes you to. He likes you near him, he lets you lean on him - those two key indications. But I always think you should be careful in situations like this because some guys are just sweet by nature, meaning they treat all their close friend girls like that or just girls in general. On the other hand it just seems so obvious to me, a steady friendship for 3 years is rare and the details you gave me about how you two are around each other seems like it would lead to a relationship anyway. Okay, if this was me, I would probably ask questions like "Who do you mostly hang out with?" or "If you could date someone right now who would it be?", those are questions that don't make it too obvious because they are just general questions but they can ultimately lead you to the answer you want. If you're comfortable enough though, just ask him bluntly, how does he feel about you and then tell him how you feel about him. I mean, I just couldn't imagine him not feeling that way about you.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: June 14, 2008
Letter: Hey shelly...it's your drama mama again. Well, okay so the guy i like didn't ask me out or give me his number, etc but i still like him and i can tell he likes me, but now it's summer and i don't know, he may meet some other girl or something, so should i just forget him..next year i'll be in 8th grade so he may finally be mature and confident enough to ask me out. During the ending days of school, his friend (the girl) was teasing him (playfully, not in a mean way) but he was still talking to me and smiling....that's why i really still like him, normally other guys i know, when they make fun of them about talking with me (a girl) cause i get personal with lots of guys, i talk with them about their relationships and stuff, anyway when they make fun of them they get uncomfortable and awkward with me, but vedant doesn't.

My Advice: Hi again! :) Well, I would say wait until next year, he didn't give you his number nor did he ask you out. If he really liked you that much you probably would already have his number, so you may have to wait it out until next year. On the other hand, have you asked for his number or were you just waiting on him to give it you? Sometimes you have to be that person to break the ice, some guys are shy about stuff like that. If you see him still, just bring it into the conversation somehow like "hey what's your number?" in a friendly way you know? And then it won't seem so obvious, just be more casual. If you wait for him you might be waiting forever, literally, so just start by asking for his number and either things may start to happen or he'll say no, that's the worse that could happen anyway. You like the guy, so go for it!

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: June 14, 2008
Letter: there's this tennis instructor that i really like. he's cute and his voice is low and adorable. buttt.. i'm pretty sure he's two or three years older than me. is it worth it to go after him with that big an age difference? what should i do? thankyou!

My Advice: It depends on the age difference because there some age differences are acceptable and some are not. If you're 17 and he's 20, that's usually not acceptable, but if like you're 17 and he's 19 that's more acceptable. If you're up there in age like 21 it doesn't really matter. I can't really answer this question because I don't know both of your ages. I can say, if he's a lot older than you he may want someone his age, he may not want to go after someone younger. And it all depends on your mentalities and if you click, sometimes age isn't really a matter if you have that connection with a person on a mental level that's all that usually counts. If he has interest in you, then maybe you should go for it, but if not just leave it alone he may not be interested.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: June 13, 2008
Letter: Hey Shellz! I am so glad you have this advice column. You help me every time! Anyway-- I have had a crush on this guy since kindergarten. (im now in 8th grade) i think he might like me at least a little bit-- cuz you can tell that he tries to impress and be funny when he talks to me. He's really good friends with all the popular girls, which makes me very jealous. If he ever has a girlfriend again (he just broke up with one), I don't know what I'll do. He's the only guy I'd really like to be with, and he is the kind of person who would like me for me (for once!). I want to be more confident with the situation, but I don't want to be too obvious.

My Advice: You're welcome, I'm glad that I help you! I would say just go with the flow. Follow your instincts, if you think he already likes you a little and tries to impress you then it's obvious he probably has some sort of feelings for you. Don't get confused with him just being friendly though. Make sure you observe how he acts around other girls to because that might just be the way he is, but if he only acts like that around you then there's a definite possibility he likes you to. If you don't want to make it too obvious then just continue like you already are because from what you told me it looks like things are progressing slowly. I would suggest maybe exchanging phone numbers and maybe call him (not too much) just once or twice a week because you want to give him some space especially with him just breaking up with his girlfriend. Right now things seem like they're looking pretty good between you two, don't worry about the other girls, if he chooses you, you're the one he wants to be with, if not he wouldn't waste his time. It's okay for him to talk to other girls as long as he isn't cheating (if you guys start going out), it's just like you having guy friends. Though a little jealousy is okay in a relationship it just shows you care about the person but don't let it get to the point where it's annoying. Being overly jealous can ruin a relationship very quickly.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: June 12, 2008
Letter: Thank god I found you- Okay, so here is my problem... This year, I made some great new friends. Including one- let's call him J. Even though we have known each other for a few months, we have grown to be really good friends. Over that time, I grew feelings feelings for him. I told my other two best friends. Mind you, he isn't the normal eighth grade guy, (technically ninth). Most would call him, "gay", except he isn't. He hangs out with girls instead of guys, and actually *cares* about his appearance. (I know for a fact he isn't gay btw.) Almost everyday we would be on the phone, ranging from half an hour, to three. He would always help me study for math and science. Anyways, I told him (yesterday) the last day of school, that I liked him. Of course, stupid me sent a text saying "I like you" an hour after school ended. I got no response. So, I called my friends, (only the two I told) and apparently he called one of them, saying that "He didn't like me like that". I wasn't mad at that at all. I didn't tell him because I wanted a relationship, I told him becuase he is one of my best friends, and I thought he should know. That's it. I never wanted anything more from him. But, I was mad because he hasn't talked to me yet. Which is very odd, because we always talk, everyday. What should I do?

My Advice: Telling a guy you like him after being friends for so long can sometimes make them feel weird, especially if they think you're trying to have a relationship and they don't want to. He probably hasn't called or talked to you for that reason. Frankly, he can't read your mind or could have possibly known that, so if you still want to be friends with him call or text him and let him know that you weren't intending to mean you want a relationship, you just wanted to let him know you like him as a person and being around him, that's all. Make it clear to him so he won't feel weird talking or being around you and you can go back to being normal friends again. By you telling him you like him, he took it that you want to date him and he probably just doesn't want you to think he wants a relationship by hanging out with you a lot or talking to you a lot. If you guys become normal friends again, maybe talk to him about another guy that you like and see how he'll respond. If he acts like he cares, that means he probably likes you back and if he acts like he doesn't care, he just wants to be friends and that's it. So, just start by telling him what you really meant and then go from there.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: June 10, 2008
Letter: Well, here's my problem. Me and my best friend haven't been getting along so well. Well, not really that, but we're just how we've always been. We always make jokes about each other thta people would find mean, but we both know we're joking. I hate it though cause whenever we talk, we always end up arguing(when we're walking home) and I hate it. I've only started noticing this now, and we've been BEST FRIENDS for a looong time. I really don't know what to do because I can't stand anymore. I hate fighting with her, and sometimes, I don't even enjoying being around her because it makes me feel bad. I don't want to let go of her, because she's my best friend, but I don't know what I can do! How can I keep being her best friend if I don't enjoy talking to her just because we end up fighting. And I'm not saying that there's something wrong with her. It's just US. When we're together we fight. And all the time, she'll use stuff against me when we fight, shell always say "you always spazz at me, and scream at me and you always give me lectures" and it makes me feel so bad, like I'm the most horrible person in the world. I need advice, so i came here, since it seems to me like the best place to get it. Thanks for help help, in advance. :)

My Advice: What are the arguments usually about? You should figure out what starts the arguments in the first place and once you do that you can prevent arguments from happening. Arguing a lot with friends can definately cause you to grow apart and it also can cause stress, which is not a good thing. The best thing I can say is when you feel an argument coming on, stop it before it even gets to that point, just say "let's talk about something else" and go to a different subject. Talk about something funny. Don't say anything that you think may trigger an argument. If she says something that you feel you want to argue about just give no response and talk about something else. Maybe you also need to talk to your friend about this. Let her know you've been noticing you guys are arguing a lot and you should make some sort of agreement that when you both are about to argue just don't give in to it, move on to something else like I mentioned before. If you don't make an effort to try to work to get better at this (your friend to), you both will end up feeling resentment towards each other and you definately are not going to want to be around each other, because who wants to be around someone they can't get along with? So, I would start with this, but you have to keep at it and eventually things will turn around for the best.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: June 4, 2008
Letter: Thanks for the playing w/emotions advice. He knows my delama with the no dating before 16 because he also has the same problem..well he had. He is now 16 and dating some one. Is it wrong to tell him i like him while he is dating some one ? Worst is he is dating some one i know because all 3 of us go to church togather and she is a really nice girl. I have liked him since 5th grade i am now going into 9th. I have made lists ( more then one) of things he says/does around/ to me...i am so obsessed. Should i move on ? I know he knows me. He likes me as a peer..perhaps even a friend-although not a good one. He-Colins his name- is so great....okay i am rambling...

My Advice: You're welcome. No, it's not wrong to tell him you like him even though he's dating someone, as long as you keep your distance, don't try to move in on him because it would be disrespectful to his girlfriend, but telling someone your feelings about them is never wrong. If he's not showing you the time of day, then yes you should just move on because obviously he's into his girlfriend and he's not looking anyone else right now. On the other hand, if he's showing some interest in you and says he feels the same way, then maybe he will end his current relationship to start one with you. It all depends on the circumstances.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: June 2, 2008
Letter: Do you have any ideas how to get over friendship jealousy?

My Advice: This isn't very specific. I'm not sure if you're meaning that you're jealous because a friend is hanging out with someone else more instead of you or if someone isn't your friend anymore and they have someone new they're hanging out with now. Jealousy is a hard thing, it's not something easily fixed because it's a real emotion. You may feel like this because that other friend that your friend is now hanging out with has something to offer that you don't or you felt like you really had a good bond with that person and now they're hanging out with someone else. It could be jealousy mixed with hurt, the fact that you lost that friend to someone else or whatever the case is. I would suggest try hanging out with new people, find someone else you have things in common with and build a friendship with them and in time you will feel the same thing you had with the old friend. This isn't an easy thing I know, but in life you'll find many new friends so situations like this don't last long at all. Just don't dwell on the situation, move on just like the other person and try your best just not to think about them.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: June 1, 2008
Letter: Is telling a guy you like him a lot and would date him but dont want to right now because you dont want to date untill your 16(mature enough and parents o.k. w/it) toying w/his emotions

My Advice: No, that's definately not toying with his emotions. Toying with his emotions would be if you were leading him on and liking him and not telling him up front that you can't date him right now and leading him on to believe you're going to go out with him. The fact that you told him gives him the heads up that you're not dating right now so that was the right thing to do. Also, you're not toying with his emotions because you actually like him, it's not like you're lying to him, you really would date him but you just can't right now.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: May 30, 2008 (some parts are cut out due to length)
Letter: Hey! Well, there is this boy that I have been crushing on since the 3 grade. Then this year at school (beginning) he flirted with me 24/7, he was always staring at me,trying to make me laugh, and all that stuff. So then, his best friend, told me that he liked me, and so did a bunch of other people. So, we hung out MORE, and started like doing serious flirting. Then, I for some reason, started crushing on HIS BEST FRIEND. So, my school has this carnival, and I gave 3 boys, my tickets (including his best friend) and asked them to win stuff for me. So, then we came up to this basketball game, and the guys I hired to win stuff for me, sucked. So, then his best friend, told me, that Sean (thats his name) was really good at b-ball. So, I said, NO, like a million times, which made me feel really uncomfortable. But finally, I agreed. And Sean, won me alot of tickets..(cut off)...And then, one day, I got really mad at him, because he was like annoying me, and I forgot what I said, but after I said it, he called me ugly. I said, "well at least I have a boyfriend", and then he goes, "yeah well I have a girlfriend." I just walked away....(cut off)....So then TJ goes, you know about April. So Meghan says, yeah. And he was like, you know what sean and april did. And Meghan goes no. Then the guy next to him, asked what they did. And TJ whispered, that they made out. So Meghan, tells me all this, and I said, "y r u telling me this". She says, "I don't know". But I know, that she was trying to make me upset. Which hurts me, so thats where the story ends. I think I still like him, but I don't know. And I feel so, well like jealous. So what should I do?

My Advice: You definately still like this guy. The fact that it upset you about him kissing another girl is the key indication, otherwise it wouldn't have bothered you at all. One thing I have learned is if a guy (well some guys), if they get jealous of something you did and you acted like you didn't care about their feelings, they feel as though they have to do the same thing to you so you'll know how it feels. I definately think this is the case, he's most likely trying to make you jealous because the fact that he got a girlfriend immediately after you told him you'd had a boyfriend. If you want to get him back you should call him and maybe tell him that you and "Jake" broke up and maybe tell him you realized you liked him a lot or you could tell him in person. Another suggestion would be to just go with the flow, wait a couple of weeks and see if he'll come to you. But I would suggest talking to him though because I'm pretty sure he's just doing that to make you jealous and if you tell him your feelings things will most likely go back to the way they were when you 2 were hanging out.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: May 25, 2008
Letter: Well, this guy in my class really likes me and I like him back. He asked me to be his girlfriend but I'm not sure what to say because alot of my friends like him too and they will get mad and jeaulous of me. Also, people might tease us and I really don't see the point if having a boyfriend. Like, my older brother had his first girlfriend my age, but I don't see the point of having a boyfriend. But, I really like him and want to be his girlfriend. What schould I do?

My Advice: It seems like you're really focused on what people might think if you went out with him, friends and other people. Though, I don't think you should worry about what people think you should do what makes you happy, but also do what you think is more important. If you feel like you're going to lose your friends over it then you probably shouldn't. Maybe you could ask your friends, what would they think if you went out with him, not in a serious way, but just casually and kind of jokingly because there's a difference if your friends just have minor crush on him and not serious about it and actually liking him and want to date him. It also depends who mentioned they liked him first, as a friend you wouldn't date a guy your friend had already said she liked and the other way around. If you value friendship over guys then the best thing to do would not go out with him but if you like him a lot and really want to be with him then that's something that makes you happy, but you have to decide whether you're going to let people judge what you do in your life or either you do what's best for you.

Letter & Advice

Submitted on: May 24, 2008
Letter: I have a used to have a friend but our friend ship ended because she was treating me and my other friends badly and also annoyed us alot. But now our "circle of friends" split off into people who really dislike her and then people who don't like her but are being nice and acting like they are friends. But then my friend Holly who is part of the people who hang out with the ex-friend is she was supposed to tell her WHY we don't hang out with her. We wrote a letter to Yulia (my ex-friend) but she still doesn't get it. And she thinks we are mad at her for no reason. And this "fight" has been going on for about two months and she is still not over the fact that we aren't her friends anymore. There is only one month of school left and Yulia isn't going to be here next year. And Holly says we should forgive her anyways. But it really is hard because she's becoming more bad each day. Should we forgive her or should we just leave it as it is.

My Advice: I definately think you should forgive her but then just move on, that doesn't mean you have to be friends with her. I'm sure it's hard for her to get over that you guys aren't friends with her anymore but that's something she'll have to deal with. I think you guys should still be nice to her for the remaining of the school year but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to hang out as friends, just be nice. End of the year drama is the worst, I think you guys should just wrap things up with this whole situation. With Yulia not being there next year will definately make it easier for all of you I'm sure. So, basically forgive her and leave it at that.